I'm Still A Coward
by playfulspitfire
Summary: Oliver gains feelings for Yuki, and he doesn't know how to express them.


**Author's Note: Hey there, thanks for clicking on my story! It's my first fanfic I'm posting on , so I hope it's okay. It's kind of short, but I hope you'll still enjoy it!**

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I've always lived my life like this; in the shadows, admiring her from afar, even though her age was way younger than mine. I was a coward and I couldn't express my emotions as a normal human being would. You see, I was different from other people when it came to social interactions. But when I'm around her, I feel like everything has been lifted from off of my chest. Kaai Yuki (the name of my crush) was nine, I was twelve. It was gross for someone my age to have affection towards someone who isn't around my age group, let alone still in their single digits (and even I knew that it was wrong to feel the way I feel about her) but I couldn't control myself. The way her brunette locks were in two pigtails and bounced whenever she moved, and the way that her school uniform fitted her made me melt a bit. And the way she told off her height and weight was cute also. She would say "I'm as tall as ten big apples and I'm a heavy as eighty-six apples!" and she'll give off the cutest giggle and continue talking with her friends or her teacher.

Snapping out of my daydreaming, I see Yuki skipping over to me happily like always. I was under a tree at the moment, and it was pretty hot outside. I'm sure she just came over her to cool off and then go back to playing with her other friends, I'm not really that important. "Oliver Oliver! How're you today?" Yuki sang. I waved my hand at her, closing my eyes while doing so. "Yuki, I'm doing great! What about you?"  
"Yuki made an A today, and now she's outside playing as a re... re-"  
"Reward?"  
"Yeah that!" Yuki squealed, excited that she used a word that was out of her vocabulary range at her age. The color of a rose was on the kindergartener's face. It made my smile grew even wider, to the point where it looked awkward and hurts. Ah yes, it was certain that I did have a thing for her, but of course like any other 12 year old, I lie to myself begging to differ from my feelings. A whistle was soon heard in the distance, roars were followed. "It's time for Yuki to go inside. Nice meeting you again Oliver!" "Yeah, you also!" I hugged her before she ran away from my grasp, making me a bit depressed. Who am I kidding, I'm way older than her and we're not legal yet, so why would I even have these dumb feelings in the first place. Is there something wrong with me? Am I the only one who experiences these type of emotions? Probably, I was always a bit odd compared to others.

But other than the passion and love that I have for her, there's sheer hatred and depression that I keep away from her. I never want Yuki to see that side of me. I would rather die than for her to ever see me in such a state, near the point where I can't think for myself and have poor decision making skills. Even when I am sane, my communication, gestures, and speech is out of whack. I usually stutter when talking to a stranger, making them think I'm 'cute' when in reality I have an actual problem, my physical actions aren't right since I mostly twitch a lot when doing certain activities, and me talking to people in general is something I wouldn't dare to do. But in the end, then reason I won't confess is simple: it's because I'm a coward. I can't do anything for myself. Most of my life, I've depended on my parents and ran away from situations I couldn't handle.

Then I look at boys my age who doesn't back down, who's not afraid to fight, and they're not scared of asking a girl out either. Maybe I'm just a sore loser who shouldn't even try to go after someone. Maybe that's it. It seems like a logical reason. I can't do anything and I can't get shit done like other people can. I'm just… someone who can't meet society's standards. I'll get left behind and never catch up. Then, I'll probably spend my life like a hermit crab; always inside of their shell where they're safe. It sounds like a great life; I'll just live under my parents for a while.

And then, I heard the school bell ring and kids came pouring out of the building. I see Yuki in the crowd, going up to her parents and her father lifting her off of thee ground and swinging her around. She looks happy, I'm glad she's happy. I don't even want her to end up like me, someone who's too weak to do anything and has lost all hope. One day, I'll tell her how I feel, but not now of course, but maybe in the distance future.

But I can't do that now, because I'm still a coward.


End file.
